The village is dark because it is 5 o'clock at night. There is no-one to be seen.
The clock is shining brightly. Something is happening. The buildings are creaking. The reflection of the moon on the roof is like shooting stars. Around the doors there are carved patterns like worms digging holes in the dirt.
The glinting moon lights up the eyes so they look like silver drops. The sparkling stars
beam across the sky as the clouds puff gently. The moon is painted with swirls of koru.
A tuft pops up like a light saber out of the Shadow's head. His legs are like twigs when they limp along and his arms droop along in the air. He moves in the shadows silently and sadly. Where is he going? What is he looking for?
A sudden glow pops out of the dark. It is the only light of the village. After he climbs the stairs he’s at the light. By what he could see he was astonished. All around him were stacks of books like towers.
The Shadow limps along to see a candle in the corner of the room. He touches the candle but the candle burns him so he goes back to the night. While he’s gone the candle gets blown out. The shadow sprints to the base the shadow collapses sadness.
Swirling smoke emerges to the air from the candle. Astonished the shadow sees that the candle smoke has turned into his kind.
I like the way you put lots of similes in your story. They made me really understand your story.
ReplyDelete... The reflection of the moon on the roof is like shooting stars.
... Around the doors there are carved patterns like worms digging holes in the dirt. .... A tuft pops up like a light saber out of the Shadow's head.
Next time you could start with different story starts
from Liam age 9