Wednesday, 10 April 2013

Before Sunrise

The tower is gloomy and old.  It looks spooky as the clock face shimmers like the soft sky.  Glowing roof tiles light up the night sky with flying stars. 

The water is running down into glowing shimmering white stuff as it lights up the night sky.  The water goes all fluffy after the night glows on the roof. The mountains get covered in soft shimmering moonlight sky. Why does he have to be stuck in the gloom without a friend? 

The shadow climbs up the drain pipe to escape out to the open world.  He sees a river of golden light surprisingly come out of a window. He thinks it looks warm and cheerful.  After creeping through an alleyway he struggles but manages to climb the stone steps.  Suddenly, he finds himself in a library!He gasped because there are mountains of books in the room.  

Then, finally, he sees the golden glow! It’s a candle and he falls in love.  Her fluttering eye lashes makes the shadow fall in love even more. He reaches out his hand and pulls away. Finally he gets the courage to touch her but he gets burnt. He walks home sadly and fearfully. Back in the library the man swiftly blows out the candle. The Shadow raced back to the library with his heart thumping.

When he got there, he collapsed and wrapped his arms around the candle.  Behind his back, a black mist climbs the wall.  It turns into a bigger mist then, it falls and he sees it turn into a girl just like him! 

They instantly fall in love and live happily ever after.

Maggie 8 years old


  1. I love the words that you have put in like gloomy and spooky very asome every thing was nice ESTEE

  2. To Maggie,
    I saw a simile in one of your sentence's,well done!!!!
    From Daniella :]

  3. Maggie, I really like the way that you used similes to describe the clock and the character in your story.
    It looks spooky as the clock face shimmers like the soft sky.

    You have also used adjectives to describe things like...glowing roof tiles, golden light. This makes the story interesting for people to read.

    Next time you could add another simile.


  4. I like your simile Maggie. It looks spooky as the clock face shimmers like the soft sky. It is real cool. Next time maybe you could put in an alliteration.

    From phelix

  5. I love the way you did a simile It looks spooky as the clock face shimmers like the soft sky.

    from Lachie age 9 ): (:): (:

  6. Hi Maggie
    We love the way you described the shadow and made it interesting to read.We think that it is perfect just us it is.

    By Isabella M and K

  7. Hi Maggie we love how you used the word fluttering

  8. Great work,Maggie, we like your simile a lot the one that you said, the clock face shimmers like the soft sky. Once again well done! Sam and Alfonso.

  9. Hi Maggie,
    We like the way you used the simile, it looks spooky as the clock face shimmers like the soft sky. We also liked the way you used paragraphs and connectives. Next time you should use more similes.

    From Chloe and Lucy.


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