The village is dark because it is 5 o'clock at night. There are no-one to be seen. The clock is shining brightly. Something is happening. The buildings are creaking. The reflection of the moon on the roof is like shooting stars.
Around the doors of the cottages there are carved patterns like worms digging holes in the dirt. But hiding in the darkness are shadows. The little shadows are naughty so the nice one left. He climbed up the pipe into the night.
After a long time walking he saw a glow of golden light shining brightly through the window. He crept into the library, up the giant steps. He was amazed to see piles of books surrounding him. His eye was caught by a bright light. It was a candle. She blushed pink and fluttered her eyelashes with golden sparkles.
The librarian suddenly blew out the candle. The Shadow’s heart pounded and he fell to his knees, wrapping his arms around her dark base. A black charcoal colour smoke swerved back and forwards behind him. It made a picture against the wall like a spider web. Eventually it turned into a shadow. He now had a friend.
By George 9 years old
George, you were really self managing to get your story drafted, edited and published. I can see that you are thinking carefully about painting a picture in my mind by using similes. i have found TWO!
ReplyDelete... there are carved patterns like worms digging holes in the dirt.
... like a spider web.
I also like the way you are thinking about using adjectives to describe the noun (golden sparkles) and adverbs to describe the action (blushed pink and fluttered)...She blushed pink and fluttered her eyelashes with golden sparkles.
A challenge for next time is to fead this sentence out loud and see how you would change it.
There are no-one to be seen.
oops - don't feed that sentence. Try to READ it out loud.
DeleteI need to check my comments carefully before I post them!