Why did he have to be different to the others? Thrusting his head in the air, the Shadow decided that the search was on. He knew that he wasn’t like the other shadows and he needed to find a better place to be. He stepped out into the darkness.
His eyes were drooping down as he walked really smooth and slow. He didn't think he should be there. His long skinny body moved silently through the dark village. It is a mystery where he is supposed to be.
Suddenly, out of the night sky, a warm and cheerful light glowed. He thought this might be what he was looking for.
The big stones were hard to climb over but when he got up there were big tall towers of books in the room. His bright face gasped when he saw the library. He thought it was a place he should keep a secret.
Slowly the candle moves in shyness into her shoulder. She flutters her eyes like fairy dust. Suddenly out of the darkness a man came and blew out the candle. Mr Shadow came back and lay collapsed next to the candle.
Smoke was dancing from the candle and then it fell like a ballerina. She had became a shadow like him. When he looked at her, he fell in love. They became the best of friends.
By Bella 9 years old
Bella, your introduction was very clear and gave me a reason to read the rest of the story. You also used a simile in the final paragraph... fell like a ballerina... It made me really see the story in my mind.
ReplyDeleteA challenge would be to go back into the story and change some of those sentence starts so you don't use HE quite so often.