Tuesday, 16 September 2014

Five Sentence Challenge: Bus Stop

The church looked like a massive pin with a clock and a bell.
In the distance a flock of birds circling a small village there was also angry looking clouds.
Beside a small building there was a butcher wearing a apron the apron looked like a candy cane.
A bus was picking up some people witch makes me wonder were are they going.
there was a black and wight cat on a blue bench beside a man reading a news paper.

Alfonso Year 5

1 comment:

  1. Brilliant work Alfonso - you were the only person in the 'Boys Box' to get your writing finished and up on the Five Sentence Challenge.

    I really like the way you have used extra pieces of a sentence (clause) to begin: In the distance, Beside a small building. This helps me know where things are happening and just give me lots more detail.

    Use your 'Writer's Eyes' when you edit. Read it out loud because I can see some sentences without capitals and some of them sound a bit odd. You ears will tell you which tiny bits need fixing.

    Keep up your great writing Alfonso.


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