Tuesday 16 September 2014

Five Sentence Challenge: Bus Stop

The church looked like a massive pin with a clock and a bell.
In the distance a flock of birds circling a small village there was also angry looking clouds.
Beside a small building there was a butcher wearing a apron the apron looked like a candy cane.
A bus was picking up some people witch makes me wonder were are they going.
there was a black and wight cat on a blue bench beside a man reading a news paper.

Alfonso Year 5


1 comment:

  1. Brilliant work Alfonso - you were the only person in the 'Boys Box' to get your writing finished and up on the Five Sentence Challenge.

    I really like the way you have used extra pieces of a sentence (clause) to begin: In the distance, Beside a small building. This helps me know where things are happening and just give me lots more detail.

    Challenge:
    Use your 'Writer's Eyes' when you edit. Read it out loud because I can see some sentences without capitals and some of them sound a bit odd. You ears will tell you which tiny bits need fixing.

    Keep up your great writing Alfonso.

    ReplyDelete

Sorry, this bog is no longer active. Please read, enjoy and use the links but you will not be able to make any comments.

Try visiting our new blog at Waka Stride. http://waka-stride.blogspot.co.nz/
Allana

Note: only a member of this blog may post a comment.